What Real Love Is (At Least To Me)
Why does the wind blow?
Storms can be beautiful, can’t they? There’s something about how the rain leaves about the fresh-just-cleaned smell that is so peaceful. The pitter-patter sound as the water droplets collide with the ground has such a calming effect. No matter how many times someone tells me the rain and lighting annoys them I will always love it. I was taught to enjoy the simple things- like rain- in life because, in the end, they’re the most important.
I remember one mother’s simple but important teaching moment. Her little boy had posed the question, “Why does the wind blow? Her response was, “That’s how God reminds us he loves us.” This pint-sized human furrowed his brow together. You could just tell that his little brain was working a mile a minute. I don’t remember what he asked next or if he even made a reply, but as I was watching the storm tonight, with its hectic winds I couldn’t but help wonder if God loves us why would he remind us with something that can seem so cruel at times?
Growth changes your perception
Hallmark movies and romance novels. How I absolutely love them. Growing up, they shaped my perspective on love and what real love looks like. (What can I say? I’ve always been a bit of a daydreamer mixed with hopeless romantic.) These days, it’s the people around me who shape my perspective about real love. Too many times, adventures in the real world have taught me that Hallmark movies and romance novels serve a purpose. That is to bring hope. To inspire us. To allow us the chance of seeing our dreams come true. But not to be our main reference when defining love.
Because as I’ve learned, real love doesn’t always have a happy ending. It doesn’t always mean that things will turn out the way you want them to. And it doesn’t mean making the right choice brings you to a happily ever after. But to suffer emotional distress or having to put them through hardship because you love someone; how’s that fair?
I know life isn’t fair. And I know it’s not supposed to be. That knowledge doesn’t help me feel better most of the time. So here’s the knowledge that does.
Richard Paul Evans in his book, “The Looking Glass”, wrote:
“I have come to learn a great lesson of life. We do not succeed in spite of challenges and difficulties, but rather, precisely because of them.”
To really love someone means enduring the challenges and difficulties. You’re taking a risk. No matter how careful you’ll end up getting hurt. You’ll end up hurting them too. Really loving someone means putting them first. It means being selfless. As much as I wish it weren’t, 9 out 10 times, that’s cruel. It’s never going to be fair.
Reminders
We remind others that we love them through seemingly cruel ways. (Don’t get me wrong love is not supposed to be misery. That is not what I’m saying here. Just trying to convey it is complex and has many layers.) For example, setting up personal boundaries. Letting our kids make mistakes. Walking away when we’re making the situation worse. These are vital, necessary actions. But, most of the time, those actions can leave the people we care about most feeling lonely or abandoned, or confused. Which all around sucks. Yet these seemingly cruel actions are displays of love.
(I am not talking about abusive relationships! If you’re in one, get out! There is no good coming from there. Those actions are not displays of love.)
I’m confused. What is real love?
What is real love? To me at least, it’s something that helps edify you. It’s allowing someone the best you can give them. Giving them space and room to grow. It’s always putting them first. Even when doing so leaves them feeling like you don’t love them.
Just like that quote says, our challenges are exactly why we succeed in life. I believe that. I believe that they are what teaches us about real love. They help show us who has our back and who in actuality, loves us unconditionally. We might not see it at first because just like the wind, it can seem so cruel at times.
-Kay
